Top Ten things to do at Home Alone

10. Clean Up!

Look around. You’re a slob! If you’re looking up things to do, you have probably neglected your own essential hygiene and the cleanliness of the area around you. Start with the clothes.

9. Perform

You’re home alone. There are no witnesses. You can be anyone you want. And Boom. You’re Justin Bieber. Maybe Will Smith? William Hung? Best part about it, no clothing necessary. The tightier the whities are the better.

8. Rearrange

Need more space for activities? Need new perspective? Move around the furniture and you’ll find space you never would have dreamed of. Who knows what’s behind that couch. The cause of the that terrible smell? That signed Brian Scalabrine basketball card? A fish? A leprechaun?

7. Hone a Skill

“Chicks only like guys with sick skills,” ---Napolean Dynamite. Nuff said.

6. Stretch out

All that time sitting at a desk chair must kill your flexibility. Fact: Woman like flexible guys 64% more than they do unflexible guys. Source: My own prestigious system of educated guessing.

5. Surprise the people who are coming back

So your parents or your wife or your roommate left you for the whole day? This leaves you with a ridiculous amount of time to plan a prank. Or make them hilariously confused. The more permanent damage the prank causes the funnier it is. It’s science.

4. Dress up

Get your head out of the gutter. Everyone has that shirt or that whole outfit that they would never wear in public. Don’t shake your head guy with the gingerbread man suit. Or you with the chicken custom. Especially you with the onesie, I never knew they made those in extra large.

3. Read Something

Sports Section.

2. Plan/Dream

Figure out what you want to do with your life and plan it out. Have fun with it. Save room for that trip to India. And that summer when you’re going to a baseball game in every single major league ballpark with your buddies in an RV.

1. Make lists of things

Rank you favorite Chinese food dishes. Rank your favorite meats. Turkey? Bacon? Marbled meats? Marbled meats. M & M’s! rank your favorite colors. Do they even taste different? I don’t know I normally eat them in handfuls. Handfuls. Rank your favorite fingers. Name them. You’re the one home alone don’t call me desperate.