Top Ten Ways to get out of a Conversation

10. Pretend your calculator is a phone and you have a call

This is only necessary if you do not have a cell phone on you. Let’s say for example sake, you are walking out of math class, that girl who is drooling on your desk everyday asks you, “Jimmy, what was the homework, I totally missed it, could you tell me, that would be so great, blah, blah, blah.” Not to worry, your response, “Hold on, I have a call.” At this point, you pick up the calculator press it to your ear and say, “Yeah. Uh-huh. No way! I’ll be right over.” Conversation averted. Other things that work well are: bananas, small books, or your shoe.

9. Make them look the other way

You: Oh my gosh, there is an elephant!

Annoyer: Where?

You have a split second to sprint out of there. This worked in 2^nd grade, why wouldn’t it work now?

8. Say an amazing joke

There’s nothing like telling a great joke. There is not like telling a great joke in a middle of a terrible conversation. At that point realize that the conversation will not get any better and get your butt out of there. Your closing words, “Thank you! Good night! Drive home safely.”

7. Say you have to go the bathroom

Oldest trick in the book. This can be used in two ways. You can either excuse yourself and try to find a bathroom. Or you can simply drop your pants and poop right there. Nobody would ever continue talk with you after you poop right in front of them. This will give you a pretty negative rep, but what do you care you got out of the conversation. Personally, I’d go with the first option.

6. Scream Something

Examples: Pickles, Fried Dough, Caterpillar, Ulysses S. Grant, Defenestrate, Monkey, Jamba Juice.

Scream on of these random words and the conversation is bound to stop and boom, you can leave.

Stay away from: Fire, Hi Jack (Hijack), any word that is considered offensive to any group of people.

Screaming one of these would end with you getting arrested and/or getting beat up.

5. Faint

A real faint will get you out of the conversation quicker, but a fake faint can also do the trick. The downside, your body feels the effects of gravity and it will hurt a lot, also you will probably have a conversation with them later when you choose to come out of your fake faint. Upside, you get a couple of minutes to yourself and the conversation topic has completely changed. You’ve done your job.

4. Tell them that at this exact time you always have a meeting with Spiderman

Let them know that at whatever time it currently is plus 15 minutes you have a meeting with Spiderman. Nobody would ever stop you from having a meeting with Spiderman, that’s just immoral.

3. Slap someone in the face

Are you bored with this conversation? Do you wish that this person would just stop talking? Smack them right in the face. He will be so shocked that he will shut up. At this point you have a decision. Choice A. walk away, because you don’t want to be a part of this conversation anyway. Or Choice B. direct the conversation to yourself, start talking about something that you want to talk about.

2. Say you have a flight to catch

The airport is an environment that is full of stress and everyone sympathizes with someone who has to go catch a flight. The conversation would go a little like this:

Annoyer: So everything sucks. My life sucks…

You: Oh, is today Tuesday?

Annoyer: No it’s Wednesday.

You: I gotta catch a flight!

Annoyer: Where are you headed?

You: Cuba

Annoyer: Don’t we have an embargo with them.

You: It’s a long story, I gotta get moving!

Annoyer: I totally understand we’ll do this another time.

Annnnnd you’re out!

1. Be completely blunt and honest

While in the moment it seems insensitive and inconsiderate, in the end people would always rather honesty. For example:

Annoyer: So I mean I think she is kinda pretty, but not nearly as pretty as she thinks she is, you know?

You: Actually I don’t know. I gotta tell you, I don’t care at all about what you are saying, I think you are extremely superficial and extremely boring, you kinda smell bad too. Oh, also, remember when you thought you lost your iPod? Yeah, I stole it.

Annoyer: Umm, okay.

You: Well, I’m going to leave now, because I believe being near you is making me stupider by the second. Have a nice day.