10. Give the statistic that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce
If you are looking for an awkward conversation, say this at the newly Weds’ table. If it seems like everyone is laughing and taking it as a joke, don’t worry they are thinking about it now. Your job is done.
9. Make an objection
Chaplin: Does anybody object that these two get married in Holy Matrimony?
You: I object. I always kinda sorta had a crush on you, Melissa, and if you get married it would totally kill me, and pretty much end my chances.
Note-If Melissa if related to you, be ready for people to ask you if you need therapy.
8. Make a toast
You can make this serious or funny. But, it will always be a surprise (if you aren’t the maid or man of honor). If you do it right, they might be making a toast to you later that night. Nice.
7. Pull a “27 Dresses”
In “27 Dresses” the guy says, “When everyone is waiting and looking for the bride to come down the aisle, I look back at the guy who is gonna marry her, and to try to imagine how he feels.” So the when the bride is coming down the aisle make sure to take a peak back at the groom, and if any ladies happen to be looking back at him, as well, you have an instant conversation starter. Congratulations.
6. Ask the groom if he is nervous
If you want to make that 50% of marriages end in divorce conversation that much more inappropriate and awkward, ask the groom if he is nervous, don’t say another word.
5. Act like a wedding crasher when you’re not
Be extremely loud, do all the things that the guys in the movie did, but be very obvious. Sporadically, shout out rules, along with their number. It always helps to have a partner. Grandpa Joe perhaps? You and Granps Joe, will be the hit of the wedding, and you might even get lucky…with your second cousin.
4. Eat
Free Food! Eat like a king, you see that huge cake? All that is left over will be stuck in the newly Wed’s fridge. Do you want them to get fat? Of course not, do your job and down at least 10 slices. Be careful on the dance floor afterwards.
3. Dance
Time to breakout the funky chicken. Get on the dance floor and groove your booty off to those classic romantic tunes. Other important dances: the sprinkler, the dice roll, and if you are daring, the worm.
2. Explore the Wedding facility
No mater where this Wedding is there are bound to be some doors you aren’t supposed to open and some rooms that you aren’t supposed to go in. You might find 20 bucks or even better 20 dear, or even better hidden treasure. More important, wherever you may be it is always important to know where the secret rooms are.
1. Ask the waitress how she’s related to the Newly Wed’s
Waitress: Steak or Chicken?
You: How do you know the Newly Weds?
Waitress: Umm, I work here.
You: Oh, you must be on the bride’s side. I’m the groom’s best friend. I love what you’re wearing.
Waitress: Oh, umm, thanks, it’s my uniform. But, I’m a waitress, I work here.
You: Oh I get it, so you don’t know anybody here?
Waitress: Nope, do you want chicken or steak?
You: I’ll take the chicken. (Creepily) I guess that means we aren’t related?
Guaranteed hook up.
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